Straight From The Heart

Hatching

2011-07-21T18:21:00.003-06:00

overprotected

bubble burst

raw and weeping

youch, this hurts

gone or missing?

innocence

watch it slipping

want it back?

bruised and bloodied

my poor heart

staying open

brand new start

all exposed now

cold but free

soon I'll find it

brand new me

pink and tender

bright new skin

flex and stretch it

now you'll swim

bear some choking

breathe in deep

I'll adapt soon

flight is sweet

(written by me, here, now)

Her Life's Story

2011-01-29T12:44:00.001-07:00

She's writing her life's story.
She doesn't know it yet,
But every minute brings a chance
To turn a corner, make it count.

Ink to paper, words to phrase
Days beginning, Nights to close
Sun is rising, Hours move
Every moment's new with hope

Turning pages one by one
Seeing faces, memories gone.
Stories changing, people come
Her life's story isn't done.

Sometimes feelings surge and roar
Love and anger, faith and fear
It's her story, only hers
She will set the pace and course.

Ink to paper, words to phrase
Days beginning, Nights to close
Sun is rising, Hours move
Every moment's new with hope

Turning pages one by one
Seeing faces, memories gone.
Stories changing, people come
Her life's story isn't done.

Can she find the beauty
In her daily fight?
There isn't only one way
To frame the human life.

Ink to paper, words to phrase
Days beginning, Nights to close
Sun is rising, Hours move
Every moment's new with hope

Turning pages one by one
Seeing faces, memories gone.
Stories changing, people come
Her life's story isn't done.

(By Chrystal Bracken 1/29/11)

Tomorrow Will Keep

2010-02-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

I may continue to re-write this, but for now I'm ready to share and invite ideas for a melody to these words. I haven't yet felt that other poems I've written about becoming a mother were really usable as song lyrics. Here is one that may be a nice lullaby.

Tomorrow Will Keep

Velvet soft cheeks, downy sweet head,
My tiny babe, sleeps in my bed.
Fluffy pillows, blankets so warm
Give us a nest; safe from all harm.

Chorus:
I'll soothe your every need.
You're depending on me.
Just for now, go to sleep.
I am here, tomorrow will keep.

My little one, how I love you.
You came from heav'n, so pure and new.
I know you'll grow and leave someday;
Just for today, that's far away.

Chorus:
I'll soothe your every need.
You're depending on me.
Just for now, go to sleep.
I am here, tomorrow will keep.

Sometimes you cry, you don't know why.
Hungry or tired, too young to fly.
Nestle beside, let your fears slide.
Come rock-a-bye, just you and I.

Chorus:
I'll soothe your every need.
You're depending on me.
Just for now, go to sleep.
I am here, tomorrow will keep.

I am here, tomorrow will keep.

Something Tells Me

2009-11-28T20:37:00.007-07:00

I want to share a wonderful CD that is just out by one of my "pen pals" of-sorts. Nathan and I shared lyrics and music via e-mail back in 2007. We shared a love of music as well as the loss of a brother. I enjoyed listening to recordings he'd e-mail me, he gave me tips on my lyric writing, and he even shared some sheet music of his and his brother Joseph's. Later, he helped me over the phone learn about software that can create recordings and write music. I'm now sharing his recent e-mail to me here in the hopes that you'll spread the word about this awesome new album as a thanks for his encouragement and support of my meager musical endeavors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Friends,

As many of you know, my brother Joseph died tragically in 2006 in the Utah Mountains at age 27. He had been a prolific composer and fantastic jazz pianist. After his death, I gathered up the many compositions and manuscripts Joseph left behind. There were hundreds of song ideas and sketches that he had abandoned. I finished off some of the best material with new lyrics and additional music. I've teamed up with Annie Ellicott, an extraordinary jazz vocalist and recorded an album of 15 of Joseph's best songs, featuring some of the finest musicians in the Boston area, including Loren Stillman on Sax, Bob Gullotti on drums, and Garth Stevenson on bass. Annie and I have been performing this music in the Tulsa area to rave reviews and plan to take the music on the road.

Listen to tracks, purchase the album: Something Tells Me, and read more about Joseph Fifield's legacy here:
Nathan's Myspace
Nathan Fifield

Something Tells Me was recorded in Mechanics Hall in Worchester, MA one of the finest acoustical halls at the world, where artists such as Yo Yo Ma and James Taylor regularly record. Our producer, James Johnson recorded in 3-dimensional sound, giving the recording a remarkable intimacy and beauty of sound. Listen to the tracks on the website with headphones, and you will hear what I mean.

Help us keep Joseph's legacy alive by purchasing an album or letting your friends and family know about this project.

Sincerely,

Nathan Fifield

Gratitude

2009-11-09T08:20:00.006-07:00

New lyrics for this month of Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving

Thankful. For your love so tender.
Grateful. To you I surrender.
Learning. I'm learning everyday,
Finding peace as I kneel to pray.

Thank you for the joy of living.
Your goodness prompts my thanksgiving.
With love you have given reasons,
To be true through all life's seasons.

I want to show you now
The way I feel somehow.
How will you ever know?
My love just grows and grows.

Awe. At your balm for frustration.
Wonder. In all your creation.
Love. In my life and through your Son.
Reverence. In power for each one.

Thank you for the comfort given.
You've shared with me a piece of heav'n.
Now I want to follow your way,
So I'll come home to you someday.

I want to show you now
The way I feel somehow.
How will you ever know?
My love just grows and grows.

Thankful. For your love so tender.
Grateful. To you I surrender.
Learning. I'm learning everyday,
Finding peace as I kneel to pray.

I want to show you now
The way I feel somehow.
How will you ever know?
My love just grows and grows.

Revisiting Truth

2009-09-25T01:19:00.004-06:00

More than a year ago I sang a song in Relief Society that has sustained me whenever I hear it again. I think entering the Holiday season is both a beautiful and scary time for moms. In case you feel like me...take a listen and try to remember the truth that you're a daughter of God!

Click Here to Listen to:WHO YOU ARE
(Unfortunately I am singing this with a recorded accompaniment so it isn't spot on - -but I'm learning to be grateful for the imperfections we all have. Our humanity is what makes us loveable isn't it?)

Celtic Music

2009-09-05T15:03:00.004-06:00

I have Irish heritage and am enjoying exploring the Celtic Music genre. I don't know why Playlist.com does not have Celtic Tenors, they are my new favorite peace-bringing music. I did find them on youtube.com.

They sing with a guest soprano, Deirdre Shannon, who is also a lovely singer!
I think I need to find the sheet music and start learning these songs!

Answering Some Questions

2009-06-27T02:35:00.008-06:00

A few posts ago, I shared some feedback from an LDS Musician, Gary McCallister. He asked me some questions and I want to try to answer some of them for myself. He said:

"So you need to carefully consider what you want to accomplish. Do you want to write sacred music? Perform for Church functions? Teach music? Be a professional performer (perhaps locally, not necessarily a move to New York)? Make and sell CDs? Have fun and indulge a hobby that is no more expensive than golf and more uplifting and beneficial? "

What DO I want to accomplish?

I tried teaching kids and youth voice lessons from my home for a while. It was fine while it lasted, but when I found that they wanted to sing pop or rock music I was up a tree to help them. My training is classical and so I could only help them with their breathing, phrasing, etc. and not with the styling. Besides, I have more fun singing and working on my own voice, than I did trying to help kids who aren't patient with the process and often didn't seem to practice week after week.

As of now, I don't think I want to write sacred music per say. I enjoy dabbling in writing lyrics with a religious theme, but my song writing ability is very amateur.

I think I'll always enjoy performing for Church functions. I love bearing my testimony through song and striving to magnify my talents.

I have looked into returning to singing in a choir. Auditions for the Tabernacle Choir will take place beginning in July 2009 for all voice parts. Applications will be available during the entire month of July 2009 with completed applications and voice recordings required to be postmarked by Saturday, August 15, 2009. Since leaving the Mormon Youth Chorus at age 21 after they disbanded, I could not audition for the TAB choir till I was 25. Now that I'm past that I COULD try...but then I look at their schedule:
Day of the Week Time Frequency
Sunday: 7:30-10:15 a.m. Regular/ 10:15 - Noon Occasional
Thursday: 7:30-9:30 p.m. Regular
Tuesday: 7:30-9:30 p.m. Approx. 20-25 times per year
Concerts, Tours: As announced (2-3 week major tour approx. every two years)

When you consider that I live 30+ minutes from downtown, Salt Lake, it adds even more time for the commute. This puts a burden on my hubby to watch the girls and hold up the fort week in and week out for the times I'd be gone (assuming this is what God wanted for my life, I made it into the training choir, and then was chosen after my audition 3 mos. later). So, I think I need to wait a while before thinking about this type of commitment. It would also be likely that my husband would have to wrestle with my girls at church alone. I'm sure you'd agree that it doesn't seem like the right season of my life for this. Maybe someday.

Becoming a professional performer is a fun fantasy; but I am not really driven to market myself and create a following. Nor do I believe I have the personality type that enjoys a lot of attention that is often the aftermath of performing on a stage. I love being in the moment of a performance, but have always struggled with the self-inflicted pressure to please once attention starts to spread. I think this is why recording sounded so perfect - I can perfect my performance in the studio and then share it with others via mp3 or CD.

I have dreamed in the past of creating a CD by singing my favorite love songs, gospel songs, and show-tunes. This could be created in a local studio just for fun, but it AIN'T cheap! I could create a demo with the hopes of being 'discovered' as a studio vocalist who sings songs others have written. But, I've learned that my voice isn't as versatile as studio vocalists need to be. I'm not trained to sing pop, jazz, nor belt. I obviously love each of these genres in addition to inspirational and classical music; but that doesn't mean I can really perform them competitively. I also don't write songs that could warrant producers wanting to create a CD of 'my' music. So, this means I'm not really a singer-songwriter.

With that said, I do feel I can sing fairly well in an inspirational, classical or musical theater setting. This has served me well in church functions (firesides, sacrament, & conferences), choirs, and auditions. I have no acting or dancing experience, so this really limits my confidence in performing in plays.

So what is left? Well, I guess his final choice: "Have fun and indulge a hobby that is no more expensive than golf and more uplifting and beneficial." I can still buy my own recording equipment/software to make my own recordings and CD's from home. This can be a creative outlet and a way of creating a keepsake for myself, my children and family to help document my life through songs I write and sing. I'm currently doing homework on the available software. I've learned so far that there is a learning curve in using the software and equipment; and it will be a sizeable investment.

I can continue singing at home, at church, and maybe one day (when my children are more independent) in the TAB choir. If not there, another choir. I have been all-or-nothing in my past approaches to music. I wouldn't sing regularly or pay for voice lessons etc. unless I was auditioning for a choir, performing for an event, or trying my hand at preparing a demo. But I'm done with black and white thinking. I don't have to stop singing just because I'm not going to pursue being on the radio, Broadway, or a music label. I'm ready to embrace singing and writing for me, for Heavenly Father, for my family, and in Church. And THAT is what this blog allows me to do.

"You Can Write Song Lyrics"

2009-06-27T01:44:00.009-06:00

I've been checking out books from the library to help me as I play around with this new hobby of learning to write song lyrics. The latest check-out is "You Can Write Song Lyrics" by Terry Cox. A writer hopes that others will relate to their words. Cox says that is likely to happen if your song has 3 things: 1) it's a genuine expression of something you feel or think, 2) it's in a form that's enjoyable to sing or listen to, and 3) it's memorable. He also gives tips about rhythm and imagery I hope to utilize.

I know I have a long way to go, but I have a draft of a song lyric from an old poem I wrote when Clarissa was a baby.

Who Wouldn't Love Her

A tiny blossom,
So fragile and sweet.
She opened my heart,
Her life at my feet.

She's lying so still now,
Asleep in my arms.
She opened her eyes
And put on her charms.

Chorus
Who wouldn't love her?
Who wouldn't give in?
My precious flower,
Where have you been?

Reaching for comfort,
She looks up at me.
I'll give you love dear,
You're home here with me.

So gentle and soft.
Just pure innocence.
She's close to heaven.
She's not here by chance.

Chorus
Who wouldn't love her?
Who wouldn't give in?
My precious flower,
Where have you been?

Bridge
A tiny blossom,
So fragile and sweet.
Her life in my hands,
This is where hearts meet.

So gentle and soft.
Just pure innocence.
She's close to heaven,
She's not here by chance.

Repeat Chorus

Great New Voice

2009-06-26T12:04:00.002-06:00

I came across a wonderful new vocalist today while browsing the jukebox. Her name is Laura Workman McCurtrey. Talk about versatile, spot-on, lovely, and talented! So fun! I try to not think about how my life would be different if I had only had more confidence when I was younger and had chosen to major in vocal performance...but when I listen to BYU Grads sing like her I can't help but dip back into those thoughts for a bit. I know my life was guided and I can't completely promise I would do it differently if I really went back and tried again. I choose to look forward and focus on setting new goals to pursue starting from where I am today. She has a fun blog too if you want to try it out. She sounds like a kindred spirit - I think I'd like to meet her someday soon. She's given me the idea to start a You Tube Channel and actually post videos of myself singing...maybe when I do that, I'll post some here too.

Create

2009-06-03T21:18:00.000-06:00

Food For Thought

2009-05-16T09:37:00.006-06:00

I hope to receive more feedback on my previous post, but in the meantime, I'm going to post an e-mail I received from an associate with ldsmusicians. I think he has really helped me take stock of where I am and where I want to go from here.

"I remember a few years ago wanting some feed back for my music. It was very hard to come by. So I am taking some time to answer a few of your questions. I think it is done better off line. [I appreciate his consideration, but I want to have everything on this topic posted on my blog to return to in years to come.]

Before you put to much weight in anything I have to say, let me tell you a little about me so you can consider the source. I was raised in a musical family. I have a BA in English Literature. But I changed to Science to make a living. I have a doctorate in Biology and teach at a small liberal arts college. I abandoned music for many years, except for playing guitar and singing folk songs at camp and at home. I wrote songs about family events and stuff but nothing serious. I am not a highly trained professional musician.

About seven years ago I decided to make a CD of my family songs. Since then I have made four more. Two are sort of semi-serious (or quasi-comic). Two are concept CDs: one about the nativity and one about Lehi. Even though raised on serious music as a child, I favor blues, folk and jazz. So our backgrounds are very different and nothing I say may apply to you. But I wanted you to know someone took your seriously.

You have a pretty voice. I agree it is not operatic, but as far as I'm concerned that is a good thing. I never listen to operatic singers. I also don't know anyone who does. No wait, I know one. And I am not unsophisticated. Just don't like opera. Classical music does not have a big following, even in the Church. So if you want to touch lives and influence people I would stay with more popular styles. Unless you are content with performing in Sacrament where only a classical style approach is considered suitable. I like your lower register best and you might be able to do some sultry bluesy styling or maybe some soft jazz to pop. However, I notice that your poetry probably does not lend itself to those styles, so perhaps these would not be good for you.

I believe that women singers have a problem in general. They all sound alike. Consequently there are numerous female singers with beautiful voices who sing similar style songs and who can't be told apart. Recently the popular style for women (see American Idol) has been to sing very loud and flamboyantly. Same result. I can't tell which one is screaming. My personal opinion is that women singers need to develop a unique style and pay close attention to what that style is so they can be recognizable. Enya has done that. So have Patty Larkin and Rory Block; but I don't think you'd appreciate them. Maybe some Celtic styling would work for your voice. Yea I think you could do some broader Celtic stuff. Celtic LDS? ;-) (The Celts were quite Pagan and that influence still sounds through their music. But it could be a unique sound for you. Hymns done in Celtic style? Hmmmmm. I suppose not in Sacrament meeting.)

You sound like a soprano to me, although I am no expert on the differences between a soprano and a mezzo soprano etc. Soprano's tend to sound little-girlish. (Ever listen to the original soundtrack of Snow White?) I think that's why I like your lower register best. You sound more womanly, warm, and human.

You sound very professional. However, beautiful, trained voices also tend to carry little emotion. The words are just words and the melody is very pretty and everything is very nice and . . . . I prefer a more emotional sound that conveys feeling. Very few women seem to be able to achieve this, but I think you could. That means some parts are more conversational, there are more dynamics, slight variations in tempo and phrasing. Can you tell my preference is folk, blues and jazz. But that happens to be what the majority of people seem to like also, although perhaps not Mormons.

That brings me to LDS Music industry. There really isn't one. There are only 12 million or so Mormons and that isn't much of an audience. There are that many people in Chicago. And half of the LDS folks live outside the US and can't afford to even buy music, if you get your stuff to them. The people who you hear a lot about either have connections in the Church (Jennie Oaks Baker), make their living outside the Church (Jennie Oaks Baker again as well as people like Marvin Goldstein) or they are dabblers who don't have to make a living. The only person who actually makes money as an LDS Musician, that I can think of, is Janice Knapp Perry. There are other LDS Musicians who make a living from music, but not just as performers (except maybe the Osmonds)

So you need to carefully consider what you want to accomplish. Do you want to write sacred music? Perform for Church functions? Teach music? Be a professional performer (perhaps locally, not necessarily a move to New York)? Have fun and indulge a hobby that is no more expensive than golf and more uplifting and beneficial? Make and sell CDs. For example, I like the creative process of conceiving of a project, writing the songs, making the arrangements, recording and fooling around with the mix and then producing a finished project. So that is what I do. I don't play gigs. I don't teach lessons. I don't sing in Sacrament (I will do the odd Ward party). I also don't make as much money as I spend. But I tell my wife I am using my beer money since I don't drink. ;-)

I have probably more LDS music than just about anyone I know. I must have over 100 CDs each by a different artist. I have tired to support other artists by buying their music, even when I didn't care for their styles (which by the way is more than other artists have done for me). By the way, almost all music by independent artists are now sold on-line. I have several thousand CDs that I cannot give away, but my music sells steadily on line, one listen and one download at a time. So far I have sold enough in six years and six CDs to pay for duplicating one CD. I now only make about 300 CDs of a new CD to give away to family, friends and as samples. Then I go on line using CD Baby.

So you need to think clearly about what you want to do and set real goals. But you need to keep making music and sharing what you can. Your children will see what you do and that will become the kinds of people they become as well. Good luck and God bless.

Gary McCallister
The goal:
Lyrics so musical they don't need music.
Music so lyrical it doesn't need lyrics.
Stories so compelling they have to be told.
http://www.onemanmormonbluesband.com"

As I sort these questions out in my own mind, I'll share my thoughts in time.

All About Vocals

2009-05-12T23:11:00.028-06:00

This post is intended to help me receive feedback on my voice.

I'm going to share some (very raw) mp3s of me singing various songs to help you answer the questions I've posed below. Thanks for any and all feedback.

I'm putting **stars by the few I like singing best.
**Away In A Manger
I'll Be Home For Christmas
He Will Not Fail You
(Sung with Jenny Phillips' Minus Track)
** As I Have Loved You
May I Serve Thee
When He Calls
(Sung with Jenny Phillips' Minus Track)
Man of Miracles
(Sung with Jenny Phillips' Minus Track)
I Know He Lives
I Know That My Redeemer Lives
I Have Not Seen Yet I Believe
Be That Friend
I Wonder As I Wander
Jesus Lover of My Soul
I was trained classically since age 8 as a soprano. Do you think I am still soprano, or mezzo soprano? I don't know what category my voice fits under based on Classical Voice Types:
1) Light
2) Lyric
3) Full
4) Dramatic
5) Coloratura

Any opinions? Leave a comment please.

Also, I haven't ever really aimed to be an operatic voice, though I do value warmth, clarity and fullness. Would you consider my voice only suited for classical pieces? If not, what other styles would suit my voice? Leave a comment please.

What, in your opinion, are my strengths and weaknesses vocally? What do you like about my voice? What do you dislike? Do you think I could be a studio vocalist for the LDS Music Industry? Why or why not? Have you ever bought LDS music yourself? Who do you like? Leave a comment please.

And Finally, what was your favorite song here, and why? Leave a comment please. THANKS TO ALL IN ADVANCE for humoring me!

Now go make some music!

Songs of Parenthood

2009-05-10T22:23:00.029-06:00

I wrote the original poem after having my first daughter. I've changed the words to fit metered lyrics and to fit now that I have two children. I found a melody for it today, which just happens to be Mother's Day. I really want to work with someone to find a lovely arrangement for this song, that is dear to my heart.

Here you can listen to the melody here: You've Changed My World
Here is the You've Changed My World (Minus)

You've Changed My World

O pretty child, you've changed my world.
You'll never know what you have done.
Before you came I strove to find
My true identity.

I longed to be a woman strong;
Who knew what her plan would be.
But only when I kept my heart
Close to your care, did my soul sing.

Before you came I struggled hard
To find my way, to feel at peace.
I thought I'd find it on my own,
But when you came, my heart increased.

O pretty child you've changed my world.
You'll never know what you have done.
Your constant needing choked my wants.
I had to change what I'd become.

You came and taught me who I am.
I feared I'd lose myself,
If I gave all that I am to you;
But now my strength has come,
From being no one else but me;
Your mother and your friend.

I've found what life is meant to be.
It's joy in knowing how to serve.
In losing part of me, I found
My true identity.

O pretty child you've changed my world.
You'll never know what you have done.
Your constant needing choked my wants.
I had to change what I'd become.

Maybe one day you'll hold your own
Child in your arms and see.
You'll learn what God wants us to be;
The Mothers of His progeny.

O pretty child, you've changed my world.
You'll never know what you have done.
Your constant needing choked my wants.
I had to change what I'd become.

Move from my heart all selfishness.
Giving love brings joy and peace.
I'm a brighter soul inside,
I'm closer to my goal.

Like you, I came from heav'n above.
We need God's loving care.
By giving you what He would give,
I've found inside what I can share.

O pretty child you've changed my world.
You'll never know what you have done.
Your constant needing choked my wants.
I had to change what I'd become.

Next, here is a song I am preparing for Father's Day.
Here is the melody: The Father Your Will Be
It obviously needs a fabulous arrangement! Any takers?
And here is the Minus Track.The Father You Will Be (Minus)

The Father You Will Be

You're raising little lives on earth.
A parent, father, from their birth.
I know you have the love inside
To bless our kids for all your life.

Your tender touch, shows them your love;
It's in your eyes and in your heart,
You give your love most willingly.
I love the father you will be.

So as a team, and hand in hand
Through parenthood we'll go,
Towards God's Son, who showed the way
We can learn to love and grow.

I know one day they'll be full grown;
They'll have their memories with you.
So now you give the key of love,
And they'll have that their whole life through.

Your tender touch, shows them your love;
It's in your eyes and in your heart,
You give your love most willingly.
I love the father you will be.

They come to understand the grace
And mercy given through the Son.
You're teaching them to have the faith,
To want to find their Heavn'ly Home.

We're raising little lives on earth.
A parent, father, that is you.
I know you have the love inside
To bless our kids for all your life.

Your tender touch, shows them your love;
It's in your eyes and in your heart,
You give your love most willingly.
I love the father you will be.

How to move from poetry to lyrics?

2009-05-10T19:21:00.012-06:00

I am going to share several poems I've written in the past. I realize they are not metered to fit the perfect rhythm of songs, but I hope to take these sentiments and turn them into songs one day.

Is there any particular topic in the poems below that you think would most naturally become a song? Which speaks to your heart? I realize in writing songs, I will need to leave the personal messages behind, and start to write for others. Forgive my personal sentiments here, poetry was my way of experiencing and expressing the emotions I felt, more fully.

A New Season

A heavy burden drifts away
Farewell to what did not belong.
The pain of a forgotten day,
Will melt away in morning's song.

My grateful heart is lifted up.
My mind is opening anew.
From out of heaven's flowing cup
Come promises so pure, so true.

A new future is opening to me
A new shade is coloring the trees
A new wind is blowing cool and free
Now hope is dancing with the leaves.

So bringing forth abundantly
Come in and change this world of mine.
Oh Lord in Thee my heart is free;
Yet only when my soul is Thine.

Oh teach my heart what love can be
Through open eyes to wonders 'round
And guide my feet upon the path
That leads me to Thy holy ground.

A new future is opening to me
A new shade is coloring the trees
A new wind is blowing cool and free
Now hope is dancing with the leaves.

Live With Him

He has loosed the pains of death.
He has ransomed all from the grave.
Though my brother sleeps in the dust,
He shall rise. He will awake.

With a body fashioned like Christ's,
We shall all become like He is.
For He's holy, victorious!
We have this lively hope, he lives!

I'll live again.
My brother will see me then.
I know death is but a sleeping.
Though I miss him now,
We'll reunite somehow.
That day, together, will bring joyful weeping.

All the tears and all my grieving
Can be swallowed up in His love.
I will one day join my brother.
We'll embrace in heaven above.

I am firm in my hope, dear Lord.
When I leave this mortal journey,
I will rise through Resurrection;
By Thy love and holy mercy.

I'll live again.
My brother will see me then.
I know death is but a sleeping.
Though I miss him now,
We'll reunite somehow.
That day, together, will bring joyful weeping.

Praise the Son of Man for coming.
May we live when He reigns on Earth.
There will be no war nor hatred.
We'll see our King we've served from birth.

In the Millennium we'll rest
From the dark and evil power.
Satan's temptings won't reach our hearts.
We'll all lie down in Christ's safe tower.

I'll live again.
My brother will see me then.
I know death is but a sleeping.
Though I miss him now,
We'll reunite somehow.
That day, together, will bring joyful weeping.

Live. We'll all live again.
Love. In His love we'll dwell.
Serve. I will serve Him now.
So when I rise, I will live with Him.

Receive His Stillness

When I'm crowded out by noise,
When the world's clamor overwhelms,
What I need, most dearly, is His still, small voice.

But the chaos all around me
Seems to call out much too loud.
How to listen to a whisper
When my mind is fogged with cloud?

Could sweet guidance be afforded
To a lost and shaken soul?
He's inviting me to listen
Calling gently, give up control.

Hear Him calling gently to you?
Stop and listen, you'll find peace.
When you seek his quiet stillness
All the world fades out with ease.

When I push the frenzy from me
I can feel the tender stroke
Of His Spirit calmly sharing
Direction I'd searched for with hope.

Sweet and tender are the whisperings
Of the quiet Spirit's voice
When I'm still and truly listening
I hear His answer, it's my choice.

Hear Him calling gently to you?
Stop and listen, you'll find peace.
When you seek his quiet stillness
All the world fades out with ease.

Now we understand the journey
Can be graced with guiding love
If we leave the noise behind us
And find stillness from above.

Hear Him calling gently to you?
Stop and listen, you'll find peace.
When you seek his quiet stillness
All the world fades out with ease.

My Angel From Heaven

She's an angel from Heaven
Sent to spread Divine love
Through a parent who received her
from His arms up above.

Now this parent must learn how to give and to care
For the needs of this small one with much love to share.
He knew I'd need someone smaller than I
To remind me of kindness and Kingdoms on High.

Now we each have been given a gift to rely
On the power of Him as He came here to die
For you, for me, and this angel from heaven.
She must learn that through Him grace is given.

We learn daily that letting go of control
Provides room where she can start becoming a soul
That's created to spread divine love
In our family first formed up above.

She's an angel from heaven, spreading His love
She's a small one reminding me of kingdoms above
But for now we are walking as parent and child
Searching daily with faith for His light, meek and mild.

How I'm grateful for blessings in this angel from Heaven.
She needs feedings and clothing and nurture and care
As I give these in patience, divine love I will share,
With this small one whose since come from Heaven.

She's an angel from heaven, He waits for her there.
And His small ones He's given them into our care.
He's waiting while children are taught how to live.
We are learning together, through His Plan, what to give.

There's a parent who released One from arms up above
He gave His life freely to receive us in love;
And He calls us to follow His teachings each day.
They will lead us to Heaven forever to stay.

Thank Thee, Dear Father for this small little angel.
With my Savior to guide me and be the example,
I can follow His footsteps with her hand in mine;
As we travel back Home, to His presence Divine.

Bring this angel back home to Heaven.
May we always be homesick for Heaven.
He released us and wants us
Back Home with His angels, in Heaven.

I'll Never Be the Same

For me He came.
For me He gave His life.
His blood was spilled,
And now I'll never be the same.

I once forgot to feel His love.
Inside, I hid from any joy.
He understands and holds out His hands.
His pure love He offers me to employ.

My soul is changing here and there.
The growth inside comes day by day.
He is my King and Master.
For Him I'll give my sins away.

Sometimes I feel I'm left alone.
In pain and loneliness I grieve.
But I'm not lost, for He has found me.
He lights my eyes, to Him I'll cleave.

How can I ever be the same;
Knowing my messiah, personally?
His healing touch and saving teachings
Give new breath; new life I'll claim!

Oh Lord, I hear Thee; I am coming
To Thy flock and I'll obey.
Hold me close to thy heartstrings.
Save me now; with Thee I'll stay.

Only Begotten Son of the Father,
Thank Thee for Thy eternal price.
My heart is broken, soft and tender.
In yours, my hands are placed.

In love for me He came.
This surpasses question of my worth.
And I'll never be the same.
I'm prized in His eyes, and given new birth.

For me He came.
For me He gave His life.
His blood was spilled.
And now I'll never be the same.

The Great Deceiver

In this life there is one who brings destruction
Through most clever, subtle ways.
He desires to ensnare me
using lies to fool and sway.

His temptations start in small ways,
Seeming harmless and quite safe.
Once he hooks my interest and attention
I soon face a prison, cold and dark.

This deception proves most deadly.
How can anyone break free from death?
He stole my freedom when I allowed it.
Now this bondage proves too much.

Saving Grace, come down and lift me
Up into the light and truth.
Lord and Master canst Thou forgive me
For accepting the evil one's traps?

I need forgiveness, mercy and grace.
The choking addiction controls and seeks to oppress.
There is no hope of climbing out.
I can never rise above this on my own.

Bring Thy goodness, love and mercy.
Apply the atoning blood for me.
Cleanse these stains and filthy hands.
Oh Savior, free me and redeem me.

Glory, glory to God on High!
This Messiah is mighty to save.
Only His love and selfless giving
Is enough to make me free.

Hymn of Praise

Grace and Mercy He has given
Alleluia to His Name!
Joy and Gladness can be ours
Hallelujah, for Christ came!

May we always honor Father
And his Only Begotten Son.
Glory, Glory to my Savior.
With His love, we can be one.

Pray in righteous, reverent praise.
Give Him honor and obey.
Always sing in great thanksgiving.
Lord and Master, here we'll stay.

Raise your voice unto Messiah
He is The Only Way.
Light and life eternal given
Through His gift, by Him we're saved.

Grace and Mercy He has given
Alleluia to His Name!
Joy and Gladness can be ours
Hallelujah, for Christ came!

Grow in Light

To be like Him,
How would that be?
More love and patience
Flowing naturally?

Finding strength, faith and earnestness
Is so simple when we trust
That following in His footsteps,
like our Savior, this makes us.

If I am like Him
no hour is squandered that I'm given.
Serving, giving, loving, helping
In little ways my spirit's driven.

His only glory is our immortality.
This comes in only one way.
He wants to bring us Home Eternally.
And His saving ordinances are the way.

To be like Him, is how we get there.
His work is our work, and only joy.
In our eyes, will shine His light,
When Him we follow; you may compare.

Like Him I'll be, when Him I follow.
I'll grow in light, in little ways.
Become as He is through choice and service.
My life I'll give Him all my days.

My heart turns humble and contrite.
More love and kindness flow so free.
My whole soul shines most brightly
As I strive to reach His height.

I'll grow in light!
Like Him I'll be!
My soul shines brightly and takes flight.
he leads the way where I succeed.

I'll grow in light, in small degree.
Each day will brighten as I serve.
Him I'll follow.
In Thee I find the surest safety.

Beloved Brother

Our Brother, Friend and Son,
Though your life on earth is done
I know your spirit lives.
How sweet this knowledge is.

I think of you with love
and all the memories of
your kind and caring heart.
This warms me while apart.

He is my brother and friend.
From earth my love I send.
I hope I'll always be
Faithful to his memory.

He went before us there
In order to prepare
And work for God's own plan
To save our fellow man.

I too the truth can spread.
Just as the Lord has said.
We all will live once more.
Resurrection is in store.

My dearest hope is found
In living for the sound
Of hearing his voice so dear,
And feeling his arms draw me near.

Beloved Brother, now
Help me remember how
To cherish family;
And stay sealed eternally.

May my humble prayer be heard
That as I live God's word,
And am cleansed from sin,
I will live with him again.

I'm An Ambassador for Christ

2009-04-21T15:58:00.006-06:00

"I'm An Ambassador for Christ" is another song I heard the melody in my mind first and put words to it later. I was a ward missionary at the time and my heart was full of a desire to share the truth with my brothers and sisters of the world.

Here is another RAW recording of the melody: I'm An Ambassador for Christ
(Excuse my stuffiness, it is Hayfever Season)

"I'm An Ambassador for Christ"

I'm An Ambassador for Christ
Sharing truth with all my neighbors
And I seek to share the love that I have known.
He has freed my soul from sin
And now I know what I must do.
I will spread his truth and testify of Him.

There are families and nations
Who have never known His name.
And He longs for them to come and join His fold.
I've been blessed with holy knowledge
That my brothers need to know.
And so I'm An Ambassador for Christ.

No matter how or where I go
There are faces I will see
Who are suffering from never knowing Him.
I will be His charity
In little ways and little things
Until their souls can recognize His love.

There are families and nations
Who have never known His name.
And He longs for them to come and join His fold.
I've been blessed with holy knowledge
That my brothers need to know.
And so I'm An Ambassador for Christ.

I will be His charity
In all I say, in all my ways;
Blessing souls to feel His love and know the truth.

There are families and nations
Who have never known His name.
And He longs for them to come and join His fold.
I've been blessed with holy knowledge
That my brothers need to know.
And so I'm An Ambassador for Christ.

I will share my humble witness
With all neighbors that I meet
I know He lives and you can know Him too.

"Heartstrings"

2009-04-21T12:58:00.005-06:00

This melody was in my head one morning in October 2007, and I couldn't rest until I found words to fit. I think it is in the 'hymn' genre.

You can listen to a VERY raw recording of the melody here: Heartstrings
(Excuse my stuffiness, it is Hayfever Season)

"Heartstrings"

How Thy gentle, sweet and tender spirit
Watches over my poor heart.
Keeping all my fears and simple worries
Swept up inside Thy loving arms.

Strings of mercy raise my heart,
Calling Home my wand'ring steps.
Gath'ring my soul near to my holy Savior;
Where I long to always remain.

When my tears are fast and silent falling,
Soon Thy Hand hath brushed them clean.
With Thy song of love and pure redemption,
I am placed into a new realm.

Strings of mercy raise my heart,
Calling Home my wand'ring steps.
Gath'ring my soul near to my holy Savior;
Where I long to always remain.

Ready to Learn

2009-04-21T03:42:00.000-06:00

I may be starting this journey later than many others; but I feel eternity is a long time and I can always choose to start to grow and progress in new ways and have it be time well spent. I have always enjoyed singing my testimony and feeling the Lord use me as an instrument to bring His spirit to one of His treasured children. I have fond memories of voice lessons, audition choirs and especially singing with The Mormon Youth Chorus before it disbanded in 1999. I enjoyed several years in college and in family wards as the ward choir director. I have been asked to sing for Trek Firesides, Regional and Stake Conferences and Ward Sacrament Meetings. I am most grateful for these priceless memories.

After becoming a full-time mother, I continued as a choir director and to sing on occasion in Church meetings. I also sang for a term with the Jenny Phillips Choir. Trying to find ways to enjoy the musical experience while balancing my home life became a challenge. No longer was I in the college or choir scene. I auditioned for some local musicals and was called back. I was very flattered that without any 'theater' training I was invited to try for the next cut. But instead of going to the call-back, I realized for the first time in my life (after years in high school and some college of fantasizing that one day I'd really go for it) that I wasn't really interested in acting (especially if I had to do a love scene) and I soon found out I was pregnant with baby number two. My brother died two months after my 2nd baby's arrival and I found it painful to truly sing with all my heart for a time. I felt it only made me yearn for heaven and my brother in ways that brought overpowering emotion. It has been a little over two years since his passing and my Savior's love and time has truly healed much of these wounds. I find myself singing freely again and ready to magnify the talents and desires the Lord has given me.

In the past, I have felt a warning that I was 'prone to wander' when I received attention for my singing. It seemed to create unwanted feelings of pride and vanity in me. I would sometimes fantasize about big stadium performances, but stop short when I realized I really don't want the praise of man; I truly only want to use my voice in ways that build up Zion. This is why the article An LDS Artist or An Artist who is LDS struck home for me. Jannice Kapp Perry speaks of two paths, either singing/writing for the Saints or for the world to bring them closer to the fold. I feel my desire is to strengthen the Saints, rather than go out into the world. I don't judge those who do go out into the world to sing and bring uplifting and inspiring entertainment to a broad audience. I simply feel that my own personal 'sound' and 'style' is not mainstream nor is this my divine calling. Boyd K. Packer said, "The reason why we have not yet produced a greater heritage in art and literature and music and drama is not, I am very certain, because we have not had talented people. For over the years we have had not only good ones but great ones. Some have reached great heights in their chosen field. But few have captured the spirit of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the restoration of it in music, art, in literature. They have not, therefore, even though they were gifted, made a lasting contribution to the on rolling of the Church and kingdom of God in the dispensation of the fullness of times. They have therefore missed doing what they might have done, and they have missed being what they might have become. I am reminded of the statement: 'There are many who struggle and climb and finally reach the top of the ladder only to find that it is leaning against the wrong wall.'"

I think if I were a provider, or if my children were much older, going into the world to find a way to earn money with my talents would be an appropriate wall. But because my divine roll is as a wife and mother, and my girls are very young, my first goal with music is to build Zion, not make money. For now, that is mostly in my own home and in my own heart. I have a big learning curve, but I'm ready to start learning now that I know where I choose to lean my ladder.

I want to follow Sister Janice Kapp Perry's insight. She said: "Before the creative writing process can begin it is important that a person acquire a few requisite skills in lyric writing and music composition." I have a big folder full of poetry I've written over the years and attempts at song lyrics. But, making each line have a certain number of beats, etc. and to follow Sister Perry's suggestions is something I need to learn more about and practice. This is the purpose of this blog. I have written only a couple melodies and written words for them and it took a lot of work. I agree with Sister Perry's message in another article (Her Secrets on the Creative Process) that it is easier to write the words first, and then the melody. Because I have a very basic understanding of music theory, and I feel more at home with words, I have chosen to practice writing lyrics and hope other talented people can help me turn them into songs.

I will continue to polish my voice and be willing to sing in Church. I may also reach out to a choir or another performing venue as we go along. I have always dreamed of recording my own CD ever since I had the chance to record 4 songs on the children's tape, "Our World" sold in Deseret Book when I was 8 years old. It seems to me that most LDS recording artists sing NEW songs they have written, and some are studio vocalists and sing what others have written. This is why I am committing to learning the skills of writing lyrics and hopefully collaborating with others to write the music. I'd love to one day have a recording of my own original songs. I'd love to be a studio vocalist too, but again, I feel the mainstream sound, even among LDS artists, is simply not 'my sound' and I don't feel comfortable 'putting on' a different sound just to record. I am not an opera singer, but I am classically trained; I am not aiming to perform in musical theater (though I adore attending plays); and I am not really a pop singer either. (I WELCOME FEEDBACK ON THIS! Do you agree that my sound is not easily used for contemporary recordings? Where else could my voice fit in?) My ultimate goal isn't just to have a recording (though I do hope it comes in the process). I really think my place has always been in the Church, singing hymns, and bearing my testimony.

I still plan to make a demo singing my favorite songs, if for no other purpose but a keepsake for my posterity. I'm excited to shape these goals and be shaped by God's hands as He leads me along. Thanks to any followers who will encourage and support this process. Forgive the raw recordings in the "Singing My Testimony" section, but I would love feedback on my voice as well as on lyrics I'll be posting here. Let the learning begin!

Late Night Musings

2009-04-21T01:39:00.000-06:00

(Verse 1)
My soul has always longed to find a way
To share God's loving touch from high above.
Yearning for music to sing from my heart,
I'll share what brings a memory of Him.

(Chorus)
Praising Him Is My Mission.
Sharing His Light is My Goal.
Singing, "He is the Reason,"
These are the songs of my soul.

(Verse 2)
Long seems the journey I travel on earth.
Hard seems the highway I'm walking right now.
But He has always been close by my side.
I feel Him calling me homeward to Him.

(Chorus)
Praising Him Is My Mission.
Sharing His Light is My Goal.
Singing, "He is the Reason,"
These are the songs of my soul.

(Bridge)
Have you ever felt Him reaching?
Wanting you to feel Him near.
When you find your eyes drawn upward
Know He knows your every fear.

(Chorus)
Praising Him Is My Mission.
Sharing His Light is My Goal.
Singing, "He is the Reason,"
These are the songs of my soul.